Really tarot? Heartbreak. Loneliness. Abandonment. Betrayal. This is not what I wanted to see today. I feel like I have no more energy to contemplate such things after the last 6 months. But the Three of Swords must be coming to me for a reason, so time to tackle this I guess.
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Last night, I went to the cinema and saw a beautiful movie based on Tim Conigrave’s memoir entitled ‘Holding the Man’. Being the emotional empath I am I knew it was going to eventuate in me in the cinema blubbering away while trying to hold as much composure as I could. To give you a little background, in 2012 I was in my last year of Drama School and was lucky enough to do a reading of ‘Holding the Man’ for the State Theatre Company of South Australia. I was given the role of Timothy. As soon as I read the play I felt a deep connection to the subject matter, so I knew how much of an impact seeing the movie was going to have. This morning when I woke up I felt quite emotionally drained, both from the movie and the fact that I got a little stuck in thoughts after it about what had been happening in my life over the last five months. This nearly stopped me from picking up my cards for my daily draw, but I held fast and picked up my deck (secretly hoping for a nice calming card such as The Star or something of the sort) and drew. And what did I receive, why the King of Swords of course 😛
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I need some help. I’m sick of falling into sadness without a way forward. I feel as if the energies are better today than they were last night so I’ve decided it’s time to consult the cards about the issues I have been having, which I outlined in yesterday’s post. I decided to go with a simple three card spread asking “How best can I deal with my thoughts and feelings around my breakup? This is what came up…
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So for those of you who haven’t read my previous three posts the last four or so months have been really hard for me emotionally. In May my partner and I broke up, and this truly shook me to my core. I always saw us moving through our lives together and when I thought of my future I always saw him by my side. Travelling to Europe for the first time together, having a place we could call our own, getting our first pet, all those small things that you take for granted until you realise they are no longer possible. And while I wish things didn’t have to be this way, and that I could speak to him again, unfortunately we only have true control over ourselves and our own actions. We have no real power when someone has made up their mind.
Before I came to realise this, I decided that I needed some guidance, so I pulled out my deck, and using a lovely spread I found on Little Red Tarot, which I believe Beth got from a friend of hers, I asked, “How can I move on from this stage of sadness?”
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As I said in my last post, it took me a very long time after my break up to feel centred enough to even think about using my cards. Three months in fact. Those months were so clouded with pain and heartbreak, and it seemed that I was getting more and more lost in the fog as each day past. I had lost the man who I had thought I would spend the rest of my life with. And in such a way that I was left with so many unanswered questions.
I wonder, looking back, what cards would have called to me if I had done a reading sometime during that period. I bet you more then anything that The Empress would be among them 😝.
Come late July I was beginning to feel compelled to hold my deck in my hands again, I must have been healing, unbeknownst to me at the time, for I still felt as saddened as ever by the events of May. My soul’s call was answered one day at work, when a customer of mine brought out his deck to do a reading for a friend of his. This had never happened at work before, and it must have planted a seed in my mind, awaiting a little watering from the universe. That seed didn’t have to wait very long at all, for that evening my mother and I were watching an episode of a series we had started (Penny Dreadful I believe) and for the first time the main character brought out her own deck to do a reading. I thought to myself, ok universe, I’m going to take this as a hint that it’s time for me to jump back out there, and continue on the adventure I began in March.
So the next day after reading a few posts on the beautiful and inspiring Beth’s Little Red Tarot blog, I decided that it was time for me to pull a card, and see what the universe had to tell me. So I shuffled my deck and composed myself, opening to the knowledge I was about to receive, and lo and behold, The Empress was back to say hello.
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the fox and the otter 