What is it about heartbreak that holds you in and refuses to let go? One moment I feel fine, as if I’m starting to move on, and then suddenly it all falls apart and I’m once again a slave to my heart. I thought that with this much time passing I would be able to think about my ex, or see a picture of him, and not feel the love I felt when we were together. But I was wrong. I just wish there was a switch that I could flick to turn it all off. That I could finally move on with my life. But I guess this is what happens when you are not the person who chooses to go. When you are simply forced by circumstances to no longer give your heart to the person you love.

And when I look at it logically I can see that he doesn’t deserve let alone want my heart anymore, and that the way he went around ending everything caused me an immense amount of pain and confusion, but for some reason this doesn’t change the way I feel for him deep down. Nor the fact that all I really want is for him to contact me. And to be blunt, that really sucks.

To be completely honest I don’t really know what to do. I feel as if I have tried everything. Each option works for a small period of time, but eventually I fall back into the sadness. These are the moments when I have to think back to my last reading, and remember that I cannot keep this up otherwise I will become like the Dryad. But sometimes this is not strong enough. Sometimes my heart is too powerful and my mind is not able to manoeuvre its way into place to help me escape the heartbreak.

I think this may require a reading. But I believe it would be best to wait until I am in a better frame of mind, for this evening’s energies are far too scattered, and I fear my intuition may be clouded by my hearts call.

Maybe tomorrow, we will just have to wait and see.

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6 thoughts on “A slave to my heart…

  1. A thought crossed my mind as I read this, it’s okay to feel sad about it, to accept the feelings and not push them away. If you are patient with your feelings, give them some space and acknowledgment, they might shift naturally. I hope this is helpful.

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    1. Thank you for that. I have never liked the idea of pushing away/hiding from feelings. And it’s been hard, because a lot of people have said to just forget about it or to stop wasting energy on those feelings. So it’s nice to hear a suggestion that links closely to how I feel 🙂

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  2. Adam, I love your descriptions of the Nine of Swords and how the tattooed swords on his chest are “an outward expression of how his internalised regrets are taking a toll”. I don’t want to give too much away about your journey but I’ve got to mention how good you are looking now 😉

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  3. My above post was in relation to “A reprimand from my Tarot Stalker” – sorry I’m getting confused as I have so many posts to catch up on!!

    Your heartbreak is evident from this post – “A slave to my heart”. But seeing your transformation is pretty inspiring. Remember that a few months ago, the thought of writing about it was too overwhelming. You didn’t even want to touch your beautiful deck. It’s so courageous of you to share how you feel – writing is cathartic – I love being able to untangle the mess in my head into something that makes sense. I read somewhere that time heals everything (or maybe healing takes time). Can’t wait for your next reading! xx

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